you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
