Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
