I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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