I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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