ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
