Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
sex in a hospital.. check
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
