I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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