When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
