Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I understand Curling. That high.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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