This dress was meant to end up on your floor
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize