Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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