Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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