How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She even gives head with a lisp.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
