yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Randomize
