if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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