You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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