if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
