doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
