i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
