He passed out mid-signature
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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