I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
