hotel room ftw
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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