I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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