From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
