She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
