I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
