I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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