Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
