cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
