Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
