I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
