It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
