yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize