If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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