also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
