Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(417): View more from Missouri

Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?

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(712): View more from Iowa

My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.

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(804): View more from Virginia

have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..

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(970): View more from Colorado

He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.

(303): View more from Colorado

Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.

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(586): View more from Michigan

I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you

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(801): View more from Utah

Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.

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(630): View more from Illinois

I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.

(815): View more from Illinois

i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.

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