Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
