I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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