didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
