Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
