if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Randomize
