i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize