How'd it feel making her break her religion?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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