just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
