Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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