Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Randomize
