i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
