Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize