Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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