I'm drive I can fine osifer
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
