Me too!
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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