I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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