..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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