Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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