we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize