Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
