Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
