no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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