i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize