i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
