dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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