so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
