I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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