Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
We are all done wearing pants today
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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