I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
