I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
