It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize