it glows. i had to have it.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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