So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
