So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
