apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
