sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
