U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
