I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
