after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
