I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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