he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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