I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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