I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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