My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
