I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
