what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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