Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
