She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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