Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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