He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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