R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
