Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
