I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
