I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
