Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
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