You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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