Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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