UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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