it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
It's official drugs can't kill me
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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