dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
