I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
