My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
