If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
