The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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