hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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