I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
