So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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