Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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