Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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