are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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