Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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