My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
