Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize