Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
