We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Why is there bacon in the couch?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
