the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
