one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
