I got her a Nickelback box set.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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