If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
