I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
love makes seman taste better
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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