I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
