I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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